im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
