I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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