dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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