Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
