Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
