Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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