Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
