were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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