After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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