I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
