I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
