"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
