is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
