College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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