if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
