dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
