I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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