Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
