The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize