Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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