literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
