like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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