Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
