Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
