im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
