Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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