I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
