Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
