ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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