I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
