Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
