I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
