I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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