So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
