Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
