Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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