what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
