I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
