But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
