yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
