Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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