Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
