you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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