Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
