Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
