Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
