i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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