I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish you could order shots online.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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