I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
