also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
