Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
