GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize