I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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