Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
