doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
