how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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