She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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