Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
