if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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