we're blogging at a bar
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
