I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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