I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
