I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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