Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
